This is a copy of the what I just posted on Conor’s Caring Bridge site as an EPILOGUE. Wanted it to be on this site, too
Today is February 28, 2015. It is a date I have seen looming over the horizon for weeks if not months. In a way, it is a welcome relief that it is here.
Thoughts keep returning to “a year ago today”. We will all be marked forever by the spot and time where we heard the “news of the accident”. There is no way forward except through anniversary dates.
As Mom, part of my process forward has been letting go of the intensity of those first initial weeks after the wreck and moving back into “normal” time. Or, rather “new normal”. New normal looks a lot the same on the outside, but the inside is forever changed. We celebrate “family dinners” differently now. We took a vacation over the Christmas holiday so deeply and humbly thankful to be a family of 4. Shane started his college essay with the words ‘brain damage” as he recounted his own path to his new normal. (i must say, his college apps are meeting with great success thus far, so i think his genuine essay is being appreciated by many). Buckley and I still have quiet moments of knowing…when words are not needed to share the deep inexplicable truth of Conor’s healing. We remain cognizant of those months of being carried – by God, community, family.
I had the deep privilege of watching Conor play college Division 1 ultimate frisbee two weekends ago as a tournament in Tampa. It was another piece of the way forward- as this tournament a year ago was the last time the whole team played together before the wreck. He was so thrilled to be “back”, able to compete at this high level and being part of this team he loves, playing a sport for which he has deep passion. One could see it in his face, his body, his spirit. I found myself with joy welling up from my toenails. Wait? Does he have a rod in his right femur? Is he really taking a full load of Carleton classes? Did he really get into a Carleton Economics Study Abroad program at Cambridge for next summer? It was quite the weekend.
On February 18th, Mark Dukatz, the policeman who was the first responder to the accident who saved Conor’s life, was honored for his actions at the time of the wreck. (Other policeman and responders to that accident also- one can google Northfield news for that day to get a picture of it) Conor met with Mark, and with the Chief of the Northfield Police in November last year — that was quite a meeting!! Conor had wanted to attend this ceremony, but was not able to. So, he wrote a letter. He gave me permission to share some of his words:
We are also celebrating and grieving the remarkably deep imprints left on our lives by Michael, James, and Paxton today. If anyone wants to visit ultiworld.com, there is a large tribute to them. Paxton’s parents placed three luminary at the wreck site, I am posting that photo. Today is a day of such deep grief, and certainly our hearts and spirits groan today acknowledging the loss of these three lovely young men, and thinking of their families. I know there are many gatherings today to honor them, including CUT at Carleton where alums and current team members are gathered for sharing a meal as I write this.
We will share a meal today, too, with dear friends as we mark this one year anniversary. One year that seemed like twenty. It is hard to remember what it was like “before” Feb 28, 2014.
I can say it no better than Conor did: Not a day goes by where I don’t think about the accident and the deaths of my friends and the randomness, but at the end of the day, I am so grateful to be alive.
Thank you all for traveling with us. This journey has changed our lives. Really
Conor catching the disc at Ultimate game in Tampa tournament, Feb 13, 2015
Luminaria at the crash site: for Paxton, Michael and James.
Feb 28, 2015
beyondthebridge 
Linda, you’ve given us so much. When we feel pain with no words, you’ve given us words. You’ve written your own story but with so many sentence that ring true and reverberate through the wider community. Thank you.
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Dear Linda: This is so beautiful and brings tears to my eyes. I followed your Caring Bridge all last year, loving your thoughtful words and reflections, and sending silent good thoughts to you, Conor, and your family. So glad to see that Conor is back and fully engaged at Carleton. You and I graduated together from Carleton the same year and had mutual friends. My son, David Soper, is there now, also a sophomore. He is also going on the London Economics Program this summer! So, he will most likely come to know Conor. He plays Settlers and is involved in a church here, (California), that sounds similar to yours. In addition, my husband grew up in Seattle, so we visit every year. It seems we have connections without even being in touch. Love to you and your family, Jane Woodwell
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