I returned from a work trip in Geneva on Tuesday, hence with jet lag combined with thoughts of the day ahead I awoke early.  I have been thinking for a few days now of how to approach today with “integrity”.  How do I do “justice” to the amazing facts that allow us to be a family of 4 around the table to celebrate Thanksgiving.  In fact, I cloud up with tears just typing that.  The “ordinary”ness of have Conor home from college.  Of playing Settlers of Catan as a family on Tuesday night (I was extremely jet lagged so was easy fodder for the 3 of them!).  Of the boys looking so forward to the Seahawks – 49ers football game later today.  Having pizza last night with precious family friends whose son is Conor’s longest and closest friend.  All so “normal”.

I awoke with sharp remembrances that punctuate and help define the new “normal” that our family has since Feb 28th:  Seeing Jane and Jack (James’ brother and sister) standing outside Conor’s hospital room 3 days after the accident – recognizing the resemblance right away – and the Height! (they are a tall family!).  The GIFT of that visit to Buckley and I in terms of processing, grieving, AWE that they could come to the hospital and reached out to us in such a time.  The chance to share stories that spanned the emotions – including tears, laughter, some chagrin and grins at the “scampy” nature of James and Conor…Conor had told me how much he had bonded with James, and asked me to make an effort to get to know James a bit at the Tampa frisbee tournament two weeks before Feb 28th. When Jane and Jack came to the hospital and we all shared more stories,  Buckley and I could easily understand that bonding

Then, another  remembrance: having Jim and Julia (James’ parents) arrive at the hospital a couple days later- similar shock and disbelief that they could come there and reach out to us in that week.  Standing in the hallway talking about the “randomness” of where they were sitting in the car.  Seeing Julia hold Conor’s hand and stroke his arm.  More stories..

Two days later, more “hallway” moments with CUT team members who has just returned from CT and Michael’s funeral who stopped by the hospital before heading over the James’ families for visitation.  Conor did not know the circumstances of the accident yet, so asked them questions like “why are you so dressed up?” and “why do you look so glum?”  They handled them with grace and boy humor teasing Conor about how his hospital gown looked like a “blouse.”  Their willingness to visit Conor between two such “stops”…yet in the hallway openly sharing the grief that was enveloping them.  YET, they also shared the gift of STORIES.  Having had the privilege in CT after Michael’s funeral of having dinner with Michael’s family.  How much they had appreciated being able to talk.  The healing nature of stories.

After James and Paxton’s funerals, many Carls stopping by the hospital and talking about those funerals.  Watching the slideshow that closed Paxton’s funeral.  Stories being used to help, somehow, serve as salve to such open wounds.

With the time that has passed, and the “busyness and routine” it is not as often now that these distinct memories come to the forefront.  Yet on a day entitled “Thanksgiving” perhaps they have more license.

Thanksgiving to me is not at all synonymous with  a “painfree living” experience.  However, it can serve to celebrate two of the most meaningful aspects of life to me: community and the telling of stories.  And the belief that that is one of the mysteries of God as Emmanuel – God with Us – through the sharing of  stories…and the laughter, tears, deep appreciation and the gift it is to experience LOVE.

I am also so cognizant of stories of PAIN – the Ferguson protests that are around us now.  How acknowledgement and somehow empathetic listening to these stories of systemic oppression may be how I, as a person of unending privilege, can be “with” these suffering so deeply and be moved to work toward change.  To me, it seems to start with listening.

I am so cognizant of James, Michael and Paxton’s families today.  Wondering what “thanksgiving” is for them today… I am not TRYING to be awash with complicated questions and grief today, but the term “Thanksgiving” does not need to be all happy and easy.  In fact, perhaps it is in holding both the inexplicable nature of Conor’s survival and completion of a college term and return “home” together with the angst and groaning of spirits all around that one can keep “integrity” in this day to GIVE THANKS.  Yes, it is a loaded day.

I hope you have the privilege to be with a loving community today and share stories.  May somehow we all feel Emmanuel’s presence that allows JOY that can transcend circumstance to grant us all the ability to celebrate and to listen.  Listen to inexplicable goodness !!  and be able to be listen also to soul searing Pain.

Happy Thanksgiving